Emotional Resiliency

Recently someone I know passed away. I know that they were going through many struggles, including trying to wean off an antidepressant. The side effects from doing that can honestly be deadly if done too quickly. Some people feel like they are stuck on them for life and still don't feel truly happy. I admit that I tried antidepressants years ago. I felt worse and I can't even describe it, but I wasn't Jackie anymore. I can understand the scientific side of things and how different people have differences with their biochemical state in their body and have different levels of neurotransmitters in their brains. I understand it, but I know for many people that's simply not an answer. So for those that suffer from depression, I have looked into what is emotional resiliency? 

I think can be a trap to think that there is a certain standard for emotional resiliency. We think that we're not performing to what society or our culture says that we need to be. For example, if someone in your family dies and you are only allowed 3 days off work to be sad and then when you get back to work you have to be back to normal again. Or if you get a divorce you're supposed to be over it in x amount of months. Was there one person who created all these unspoken rules? We all have days when we're feeling exhausted and just fed up. So okay...maybe you should let yourself feel that then. Maybe emotional resiliency is about being emotionally authentic. Sometimes it seems like emotions are taught to be so black and white. We either are happy or we aren't and there are only....oh about 6 emotions to feel. Isn't it possible to be feeling things in a more grey area without a word to quite pinpoint it? There are subtle ones we feel too that don't fit into the big 6. Maybe you're feeling grief and happiness intertwined. Is there a word for that? So part of emotional resiliency is being able to acknowledge your feelings in all the different layers that you may be feeling them. Every day you have to be strong enough to ask-- How am I really feeling today? Because a lot of times we don't ever check in. This is helpful to do if you're empathic too because then you will start uncovering layers of feelings and think...wait a second, this doesn't belong to me and it's not really mine. Stop giving others so much permission to dictate how you feel.

Also, what makes us think that bouncing back is the way to go and a positive thing? Recently, I was going through a hard time emotionally and one day I was still finishing up a few things at work and I burst into tears. I had a part of me that thought, Oh no! I'm not supposed to be showing this side of me here. Thankfully I received support from those around me who saw, but it asks the question, well why can't I cry in public? Thoughts come into my mind that others may think I'm just looking for attention or pity. I have had others say that I wear my heart on my sleeve and this has often been instilled into me that this isn't an acceptable way to move through life. In a sense, yes I do understand where they are coming from and we should take caution with who we show our vulnerable side to, but should we have to apologize for expressing our authentic selves? It seems we are trained to be thinkers more than feelers. Of course you could go into the Myers Brigg types and say and some are naturally dominant thinkers, but it seems like as a whole we are taught to place the head above the heart. We're asked what do we think about something so that we can be driven to a logical response. Many believe that conscious awareness originates in the brain alone. Yet the heart generates the body's most powerful rhythmic electromagnetic field. Compared to the electromagnetic field produced by the brain, the heart's field is about 60 times greater. I'm sure there is more I could eventually delve into on this topic for now I will leave you with, "To heal, we must feel."

Leading the Way

When you wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror do you see a leader? I haven't always looked at myself as one, but the more I learn about leadership the more I realize that we need a real paradigm shift around it. Many of us learn that there is certain mold we feel that we have to fit into to be seen as leader.

I still remember writing a book back when I was only 10 years old. In it I wrote 3 things that I wanted to be when I grow up. I wrote that I wanted to be the President of the United States, an artist, and a veterinarian. My girl friend in Elementary School learned from me that I wrote I wanted to be the President and she said, "You can't be the President because you're a girl!"--(Years later she said sorry for this. No hard feelings) But anyway, back then a part of me did believe that boys were better than girls. Now I know better and while I no longer wish to be the President, I still feel that I am a born leader. I believe I can find a way to still lead like a President, create like an artist and show compassion like a vet.

This world needs more than simply politicians and CEO's leading us. The world needs those who know how to lead difficult conversation, gardeners, community builders, healers, inventors, teachers, painters, people rescuing endangered species and so much more. We need these people to lead. We need to be brought back to connection and to step back into our power. So even if you're working behind the scenes don't dismiss that. Sometimes that's where the magic happens. So the next time you look in the mirror, take a good look into your eyes. You may be surprised what you see.

How I'm fighting Terrorism

The other day I was sitting at work during dinner and all my coworkers gathered around and talked about the horrors going on in the world throughout the entire dinner. It made me sad that there was no lacking in subject matter to discuss to make it last almost an hour. Then I started just getting angry. I wanted to do something about these acts of terror but I didn't know what to do. I see angry protesters who have lined the streets of my home city of Philadelphia, but I wonder is that really do anything? Does more anger actually create the peace on earth that many of us long for? I realized that maybe it's time to take an inside-out approach to activism. I need to face up to all my feelings about what is happening first. We need to clean up our inner world, manage our own energy and take responsibilities for the vibe we send out. This may seem small but it creates a powerful ripple effect out into the world. This message is especially for the empath/ highly sensitive of this world. We literally take on the weight of the world and can sink down into depression. We may not even realize that the pain we are carrying isn't even our own. So now, I am taking action by using my gifts and my voice. I'm going to keep singing, blogging, and opening the door for the elderly person behind me. So every time that I hear any act of terror on the news or somewhere else, that will be my cue to do a random act of kindness, to start painting, writing another poem or creating a local fundraiser for a cause that I'm moved by. So at first it may seem small, but it's really not that small at all. My very existence is needed. Your very existence is needed. 

Disillusioned With the New Age Movement

I know this may offend some people but I just need to express myself. I know others have felt the same way as me at times so I'm not completely alone. This is just me coming from my own personal experiences and feelings on the subject. I know some of you may disagree and I'm totally okay with that. I know where I have been in the past and I have compassion on every step of my journey as I do on others.

First off I just want to say that I do consider myself to be spiritual. I believe in a higher Power/God, prayer, meditation, being in nature to recharge, positive thinking and even have an interest in quantum physics and believe in life on other planets and have sensed energies/angels and things I can't always explain logically. I just believe that spiritual discernment is a skill that must be learned. It's easy to become brainwashed into believing something. What I'm learning now is that you can look to others to be a mentor and guide on your journey but ultimately the teacher is within yourself if you will listen. I also want to state that not everyone who labels themselves as New Age will behave or think the same way, just as not all people under the Christian category will. I just started feeling like New Age was turning into a feel good pseudo spirituality.

It seems like a special club for all the so called spiritual, positive, ascending, unity consciousness and so on...I came to realize that just because some says, "Namaste, love and light" or things like that doesn't mean they are automatically a perfect person or someone that I could trust to be there for me.

In the past I was joining all these New Age groups and listening to their teachings. Now I don't want to say that the New Age teachings don't contain some wisdom or spiritual truths bu I felt they overgeneralize, exaggerate, and oversimplify everything. I finally decided it was time to just go back to feeling like me again without anyone else's ideas shoved into my head. Now I'm ready to leave behind old philosophies.

There were also a small number of people who used drugs to try to access a higher level of spirituality and that's just not me and I don't want to be around that. Not judging but I'm doing what's right for me. I don't like feeling spaced out or out of my body. Also  don't get me wrong, "blissing out" can be a wonderful thing and way to escape from your life's challenges for a short period of time but when things start to become an addiction or you start to become overly focused upon things that are taking you out of your body that's where I start to have a problem. To me spirituality needs to be balanced. I'm a daydreamer by nature but I know I have to focus that energy into my body and reality in order to get things done.

Now I beware of all magic wand approaches. They are nothing more than the energy equivalent of modern drugs, except their debilitating side effects will probably not appear until it's too late. Talk of the ascension process is very popular too. There were certain hyped up ascension dates where I didn't experience anything at all happening. Maybe someone else had a different experience than I did though. Are we evolving on many levels? Yes, but some of us are also very stagnated as well and living in the past. I believe ascension isn't exactly a global thing that everyone is experiencing in the same way. I feel like we are all on our very own individual journeys and I can't help but ask the people who say they are ascending where they are ascending to? Not trying to make fun of anyone but seriously questioning things. I assume that ascension leads to enlightenment? I got the vibe that enlightenment was being made out to be all about changing yourself and feeling good all the time. So if you're enlightened you should never feel bad and you should always feel uplifted like you just did some great drug? In my opinion, enlightenment can actually feel very uncomfortable. Most people don't want to do that work.

One belief I've come across is that there are no victims and that our thoughts and attitudes attracted everything into our lives. While I do believe in taking self responsibility I have seen many a shitty things happen to really beautiful souls who did their best to be healthy and positive. Some teachings said that we are all one and on some level yes I can understand that but there are dark forces out there and negative energies. Another  New Age belief is to ignore the negative. The word negative is even seen as a dirty word. "I don't want to learn what's wrong by hearing it or seeing it and God forbid I don't want to say it. Don't talk about the negative and it will only bring more." Sometimes it's as if we're being taught to ignore what's really there and just go to spiritual gurus. I still haven't found a belief system that I can say that I 100% resonate with. I still have friends who are Christian, Atheists and also New Age and I love them all the same. I just know though if I continue to trust my heart I will be lead where I need to be.

Space Thoughts

It's said that 95% of space is still unexplored. So apparently we have explored 5% of space already. I feel it's far less than that. So in the vastness of space, is it really empty? Well, there is something called dark matter in space and it bends the way we see light so the actual objects shape is distorted. Dark matter is something that cannot be detected by normal means. There can be many things we just simply cannot see yet. Air is invisible to us, but it's still there.

We're using the Hubble space telescope that has been launched into outer space and that has brought us images but can we purely rely on those images? And in order to see an object it needs to have light reflecting off it. So if there are objects out there very far away from the sun then could we see it?

Also string theory tells us that what we think of as 'reality' is made up of 11 dimensions. They say the 11th dimension holds the key to faster-than-light travel. So if you believe in there being 11 dimensions, then we still haven't really explored what those 11 dimensions are and if they hold the key to answer other questions, possibly even time travel?

We may have limitations in our understanding now, but just thinking of the technology we have naturally and man-made astonishes me sometimes. I feel sometimes we may discount the discovery of being able look inside of a mothers womb to see what the growing baby looks like? Or how a dolphin uses the amazing ability of echolocation to navigate the oceans and can "see sound".

As for moving forwards in space travel, it brings me to a movie which I recently watched called, The Martian. In the movie, the astronaut played by Matt Damon was able to use his knowledge as botanist to grow food. In reality, NASA is planning a trip to Mars down the line but they are still figuring out if something like sustaining crops on the planet could ever play out for real. I feel that even if we can't physically be there for extended periods of time to test out these different ideas that we could use the technology of a robot and train it to be able to do certain actions on the planet to see if it could "live" in the way we'd need to.

I still go to bed with more questions than answers but without mystery, life sure would be boring.

My message to the creative free spirit

I was recently inspired by a woman who reminded me so much of myself except for the fact that she doesn't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of her. Yeah....I said it. She has her own business using her own unique gifts and flaunts her quirky personality and sense of humor. I thought to myself, wow that must feel pretty liberating to live like that and terrifying as well because..*gasp* some people might not like me. Then I thought well there are already people already don't like me so what have I got to lose?

I thought back to when I used to be on a dance team and was kicked out of a few numbers since I wasn't "good enough". Regardless dancing is something that has always brought me joy. I thought well why stop doing it just because you haven't won someone else's approval? The same insecurities popped up around my other creative interests such as music, singing etc. The whole comparison devil started to play out in my life until it got to a point of analysis paralysis. We can be afraid of being a beginner and as a female the whole competition game can be fierce. I used to constantly compare myself to other women or my ex's new girlfriend and so on. There is nothing wrong with seeing a positive trait in someone else and trying to emulate it in our own unique way but we often are actually trying to just be a carbon copy of someone else. Now instead of thinking how can I be more like her I think, how can I be more like Jackie? In her fullest potential and expansion and power? So if you want to create an orchestration, a painting, a dance, a novel... Then simply write the first sentence, compose the first note, step the first step. And for me I'll keep dancing!

I am no longer content

Gunshots fired
Feeling so uninspired
I can't bear to watch the news
Just giving me the blues
Can't even have a normal conversation
Without the hate that's infecting the the nations
Time to be a voice to the voiceless
Even though sometimes I'm speechless

I am no longer content
Staying silent
I am no longer content to be standing by
No more black and white
This life is far too colorful

I am no longer content to be a stander-by
I want to dive into the line of fire
I want to be a voice to the voiceless
I want to shout from the mountain tops
Why aren't more willing to do this?

So let's go back and be...
Dreamers
Forerunners
Movers and Shakers
Fire starters
And star-gazers
Let's be the electric shock in a world gone dead
A song in the static voices of confusion
Or a million angels standing in the middle of war grounds

I am no longer content
To listen as my sister gags herself over the toilet
I am no longer content
To sit and watch the millions of this country slaughter each other
And on the same streets we roll our baby carriages
I am no longer content
Feeding into their inclinations
I am no longer content
Exalting gurus and zealots

And I know I am not singular in my sayings
So let's go back and be....

Searching for Shelter

My eyes are heavy but I can't sleep. Every shadow seems like a potential threat. There are only so many positions to move in this cold car to get comfortable. Everything I own is haphazardly shoved into my backseat and overwhelmed trunk. Gunshots fire down the street, but what's new?
A kind stranger knocks on my window and offers me a loaf of bread. Though my mouth is dry and stomach churning, my pride kicks in and I mutter, "No, thanks!"

I spent my last quarter on the payphone only to be met with a dial tone. But the stars were beautiful tonight so I decided I might as well enjoy them...for there was nothing else to enjoy in that moment. The wailing of December wind lulled me to sleep. I was homeless and there was no other way to word it.

The next morning I stopped into a local homeless shelter and was greeted with kind faces who thought I was just another volunteer. Funny how we all seem to judge so quickly based on surface appearances. Many of my so called friends didn't know where I had spent the night. It really forces you to look at yourself, your life and everything in a new light when you have hit rock bottom. I saw many drug addicts and prostitutes on the street corner at night. So many cracks to slip through but I remained strong. I knew I was going to fight and walk through this fire onto the other side. Being homeless is like being cast off from society. Passerby's often just avoid eye contact with you. I used to think that only certain people every experienced being homeless...but now that I, a seemingly average member of society was experiencing it squashed all of my judgments and melted my heart into a core of compassion. The woman who I encountered running the homeless center had previously been homeless for many years and she now was working there and giving back and deeply grateful and humble.

So I just want to say if you have experienced or currently are homeless know that you are special. You are always filled with the ability to do what is right. You have to come to acceptance of the issues that have led you to be homeless. Only you can get yourself out of this so take 100% responsibility. Set realistic goals for yourself and take small steps daily no matter how hopeless your situation seems. Sometimes it's very difficult to accept support from others but this is a time to seek out those who will inspire and encourage you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Embracing the Flow

I have known a few talented artists throughout my lifetime whom I envy for their technique. They would sit for hours to get their sketches or paintings just perfect. I would always think there was something wrong with the way that I created art since I have a more playful approach to my creating. I enjoy being spontaneous and to use vibrant colors and shapes.

Years ago, I used to be in art therapy and my art therapist commented on how bold I was with my use of the paintbrush. Being bold seemed to just come natural to me but in a way I started thinking it was wrong. Maybe I should use more muted colors or be more thoughtful in my movements? It's funny though because in my day to day life I was anything but bold. I was shy and quiet with anyone outside of my circle. When I went to create though I'd paint vibrant butterflies, birds soaring and flowers in full bloom. It was almost as if another part of my psyche was longing to be expressed. The deep desire for freedom still rumbled inside of me. One day I painted a bridge and on the other side of the bridge was the city of lights as I called it. I was on the other side of the bridge just looking and pondering if I should cross. I was afraid though of the unknown and it would be bold of me to leave behind everything that I once knew in order to go to this new, colorful city. I believe that was a message for me to make a transition in my real life and do something different...take a risk!

So now, when I sit down to paint I deeply appreciate the well thought of techniques that other artists may use but am also reminded that I'm getting messages every time I create on what's the next step ahead for me. When I just flow I become deeply intuitive and see what's right around the bend for me. So, the moral of the story is to embrace your creative style because I've found that it's a way of balancing you out and giving a voice to that which you may not be listening to otherwise.

Cosmic Cranberry Elixir

Ingredients:
1 bottle of Synergy Cosmic Cranberry Kombucha
2 oranges
1 mango
1 cup of cranberries
1 lemon
1 lime
ice, mint leaves, vanilla extract--optional

Directions:

1) Slice and freeze 2 oranges, 1 mango and also a bag of frozen cranberries
2) Pour bottle of cranberry kombucha in blender with 2 oranges, mango and cranberries
3) Blend until pureed
4) Garnish with lemon & lime slice and squeeze some juice in for tang flavor if desired.
5) Toss a few mint leaves and vanilla extract drops in for a smoother taste.


                                                                      ENJOY!

 

A HOLISTIC RETREAT THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Does the idea of getting away from it all to a beautiful retreat sound like just what you need? Are you tired of feeling tired and have run out of answers? Do you feel more sensitive than others and want to connect in a safe haven and heal your body, mind, and soul?

Well....then my weekend retreat that I am planning may be just what you're looking for. This will focus entirely on your health, relaxation, spiritual growth and learning what to do with the fork in the road you may feel that you are at right now.

You will experience:

*Holistic life coaching sessions
*Healthy foods made fresh and demos so you can learn how to create the same at home
*Therapeutic creative expression activities such as -- painting on the beach, group art projects, meditative creating, art journaling.
* Getting back in touch with your body and sensual side through yoga, tai chi, healing dance in a non judgmental environment.
* Guided meditation on the beach/or other natural environment
* Learning from a Naturopathic Dr and/or nutritionist on how to understand the underlying physiological reason for your fatigue and what you can do about it
*Diving deeper into the emotional/spiritual reasons for your fatigue
*Creating lasting friendships and enjoying the beautiful natural surroundings which is healing in and of itself :)

If you're interested in you then please stay tuned as I will continue to post updates and more information.