Emotional Resiliency

Recently someone I know passed away. I know that they were going through many struggles, including trying to wean off an antidepressant. The side effects from doing that can honestly be deadly if done too quickly. Some people feel like they are stuck on them for life and still don't feel truly happy. I admit that I tried antidepressants years ago. I felt worse and I can't even describe it, but I wasn't Jackie anymore. I can understand the scientific side of things and how different people have differences with their biochemical state in their body and have different levels of neurotransmitters in their brains. I understand it, but I know for many people that's simply not an answer. So for those that suffer from depression, I have looked into what is emotional resiliency? 

I think can be a trap to think that there is a certain standard for emotional resiliency. We think that we're not performing to what society or our culture says that we need to be. For example, if someone in your family dies and you are only allowed 3 days off work to be sad and then when you get back to work you have to be back to normal again. Or if you get a divorce you're supposed to be over it in x amount of months. Was there one person who created all these unspoken rules? We all have days when we're feeling exhausted and just fed up. So okay...maybe you should let yourself feel that then. Maybe emotional resiliency is about being emotionally authentic. Sometimes it seems like emotions are taught to be so black and white. We either are happy or we aren't and there are only....oh about 6 emotions to feel. Isn't it possible to be feeling things in a more grey area without a word to quite pinpoint it? There are subtle ones we feel too that don't fit into the big 6. Maybe you're feeling grief and happiness intertwined. Is there a word for that? So part of emotional resiliency is being able to acknowledge your feelings in all the different layers that you may be feeling them. Every day you have to be strong enough to ask-- How am I really feeling today? Because a lot of times we don't ever check in. This is helpful to do if you're empathic too because then you will start uncovering layers of feelings and think...wait a second, this doesn't belong to me and it's not really mine. Stop giving others so much permission to dictate how you feel.

Also, what makes us think that bouncing back is the way to go and a positive thing? Recently, I was going through a hard time emotionally and one day I was still finishing up a few things at work and I burst into tears. I had a part of me that thought, Oh no! I'm not supposed to be showing this side of me here. Thankfully I received support from those around me who saw, but it asks the question, well why can't I cry in public? Thoughts come into my mind that others may think I'm just looking for attention or pity. I have had others say that I wear my heart on my sleeve and this has often been instilled into me that this isn't an acceptable way to move through life. In a sense, yes I do understand where they are coming from and we should take caution with who we show our vulnerable side to, but should we have to apologize for expressing our authentic selves? It seems we are trained to be thinkers more than feelers. Of course you could go into the Myers Brigg types and say and some are naturally dominant thinkers, but it seems like as a whole we are taught to place the head above the heart. We're asked what do we think about something so that we can be driven to a logical response. Many believe that conscious awareness originates in the brain alone. Yet the heart generates the body's most powerful rhythmic electromagnetic field. Compared to the electromagnetic field produced by the brain, the heart's field is about 60 times greater. I'm sure there is more I could eventually delve into on this topic for now I will leave you with, "To heal, we must feel."