Friday, June 10, 2016
A steady dose of Mediocrity
As I write feel like I'm sitting here on a national platform now getting ready to share my voice to the world. I think of every great woman who has come before me who shared her voice and how has faced adversity. Whether she was writing hidden away in her bedroom or speaking in front of millions, I can bet that she faced adversity. Now as I see the world changing so fast before my very eyes and I cannot help but wonder who the next "Greatest" will be. Which one of us will step up to this intimidating but necessary plate? As I think this I also think of how I hate it sometimes when people ask me if I am going to college, or even when they automatically assume and ask me what school I go to. Umm, either you think I'm younger than I am or you think I'm in college because that's what I'm "supposed" to be doing. Nothing wrong with college at all. I wanted to go to college too, and I just found my path started taking me in other directions. Sometimes I wish that people would make different assumptions and ask different questions, like hey...what are your passions? Do you ever travel? Funny thing is that sometimes people will ask the same exact questions twice and forget they asked me before if I plan to go to school for this or that? Nobody seems to really ever think that some of us are taking the road less traveled and creating something the world has never seen before. I just don't see the point in spending thousands of dollars to get a degree in something that will get me a stable job so that I can have a stable life. Sure, I like stability. I like the stability of getting a paycheck every Friday and knowing pretty much exactly how much will be in that paycheck. But, do I like a steady dose of mediocrity for my soul? Not so sure about that...
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Before Love
This poem is off my facebook page. If you'd like to read more you can check me out here. https://www.facebook.com/JackieMillerPoetryArt/
BEFORE LOVE
Before you can know love
You must witness the night
Feel the wind whipping at your back
Like an oar breaking through the freezing water
What you hid in your pocket
And secretly saved for yourself
You must let this go
You must witness the night
Feel the wind whipping at your back
Like an oar breaking through the freezing water
What you hid in your pocket
And secretly saved for yourself
You must let this go
This countryside is vacant now
Grass no longer grows where kind words have been sparse
But we must walk
You must walk and walk until you fear your feet may give out
As you lose your way the crows circle around
Grazing the sky with hazy afterthoughts of freedom
Grass no longer grows where kind words have been sparse
But we must walk
You must walk and walk until you fear your feet may give out
As you lose your way the crows circle around
Grazing the sky with hazy afterthoughts of freedom
Before you can know love
You must follow in the footsteps of the carcass rotting on the side of the road
You must feel his pain and remember your immortality
For he too was traveling this road
Who journeyed the path with plans
And a beating heart
You must follow in the footsteps of the carcass rotting on the side of the road
You must feel his pain and remember your immortality
For he too was traveling this road
Who journeyed the path with plans
And a beating heart
Before you can know kindness
You must drink the bitter elixir
And wake up in the midst of the storm
You must grasp for it until your hands give up
Until they grip your bed
And the blankets in your empty bed swallow you whole
You must drink the bitter elixir
And wake up in the midst of the storm
You must grasp for it until your hands give up
Until they grip your bed
And the blankets in your empty bed swallow you whole
Then and only then does love show her face
She urges you to get up out of this bed
She sends you back out into the world
In a sea of faces reflecting back her voice
All whispering for love
She urges you to get up out of this bed
She sends you back out into the world
In a sea of faces reflecting back her voice
All whispering for love
The Anxiety Series-- Personality characteristics that contribute to anxiety
There has been research that shows that certain personality traits can make someone more prone to develop an anxiety disorder. Here is a short list I compiled and some I have personally experienced myself.
1) A perfectionist approach to life-
Either you are a perfectionist or maybe you're surrounded by others who are perfectionists that are hounding on you at home or work. If you want to help your anxiety then stop "shoulding" yourself ALL THE TIME. If other people "should" you remember you're always doing the best that you can.
2) Tendency to be in a hurry-
I know this one can be very difficult and I've found this personally true working in jobs where speed is highly praised, such as being a waitress. I ended up feeling like a chicken running around with it's head cut off. The running script in your head that you never have enough time to get everything done plays into the anxiety as well. Learning to be more realistic about your time is important and if you actually timed how long it takes to get everything on your to do list done, then I'd bet you'd give yourself a lot more praise.
3) Approval Addiction/Codependency-
People with this trait are very concerned with what others think of them. If their partner said they like it when they wore a certain hairstyle they would change and always wear that hairstyle just to please them even if it wasn't their favorite. Constantly needing approval puts a lot of pressure on someone to always be liked and accepted instead of focusing on just being themselves. Honestly, to put it bluntly....for some people part of their anxiety healing won't happen until they stop giving so much of a crap what other people are thinking of them and learn to be more autonomous and authentic. Don't be afraid to let your freak flag fly if you want!
4) Analytical Thinking-
This is the part of you awake at 4 in the morning thinking about something you did 10 years ago and then thinking about where you want to be 10 years from now rather than just being here and right now in this moment.
It's the part that takes the box and thinks outside it, inside it, around it, underneath, all while philosophically posing the question, is there even a box? Yes, you can think yourself into a corner. It's understandable if you're highly intelligent and a deep thinker, but remember your brain is just like your personal assistant and one that deserves a vacation now and then.
5) Impatience-
Maybe if they did a study there would be a higher rate here in the USA than other countries because we live on demand and want what we want right now!
6) Rigid Thinking-
Sometimes we have it made up in our minds that our lives will have played themselves out a certain way at certain stages in our lives. If I were to compare myself to many women my age then I "should" have been married with children by now. Life doesn't work that way though. I try to view life as water now, always changing and fluid and we have to ride the waves.
Well, did you recognize yourself in any of these? If so, now what can you do to help to manage those parts of yourself so that they don't get out of control? Stay tuned, because that's what my next blog/video will be about. And remember ~You are not your anxiety~
1) A perfectionist approach to life-
Either you are a perfectionist or maybe you're surrounded by others who are perfectionists that are hounding on you at home or work. If you want to help your anxiety then stop "shoulding" yourself ALL THE TIME. If other people "should" you remember you're always doing the best that you can.
2) Tendency to be in a hurry-
I know this one can be very difficult and I've found this personally true working in jobs where speed is highly praised, such as being a waitress. I ended up feeling like a chicken running around with it's head cut off. The running script in your head that you never have enough time to get everything done plays into the anxiety as well. Learning to be more realistic about your time is important and if you actually timed how long it takes to get everything on your to do list done, then I'd bet you'd give yourself a lot more praise.
3) Approval Addiction/Codependency-
People with this trait are very concerned with what others think of them. If their partner said they like it when they wore a certain hairstyle they would change and always wear that hairstyle just to please them even if it wasn't their favorite. Constantly needing approval puts a lot of pressure on someone to always be liked and accepted instead of focusing on just being themselves. Honestly, to put it bluntly....for some people part of their anxiety healing won't happen until they stop giving so much of a crap what other people are thinking of them and learn to be more autonomous and authentic. Don't be afraid to let your freak flag fly if you want!
4) Analytical Thinking-
This is the part of you awake at 4 in the morning thinking about something you did 10 years ago and then thinking about where you want to be 10 years from now rather than just being here and right now in this moment.
It's the part that takes the box and thinks outside it, inside it, around it, underneath, all while philosophically posing the question, is there even a box? Yes, you can think yourself into a corner. It's understandable if you're highly intelligent and a deep thinker, but remember your brain is just like your personal assistant and one that deserves a vacation now and then.
5) Impatience-
Maybe if they did a study there would be a higher rate here in the USA than other countries because we live on demand and want what we want right now!
6) Rigid Thinking-
Sometimes we have it made up in our minds that our lives will have played themselves out a certain way at certain stages in our lives. If I were to compare myself to many women my age then I "should" have been married with children by now. Life doesn't work that way though. I try to view life as water now, always changing and fluid and we have to ride the waves.
Well, did you recognize yourself in any of these? If so, now what can you do to help to manage those parts of yourself so that they don't get out of control? Stay tuned, because that's what my next blog/video will be about. And remember ~You are not your anxiety~
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Emotional Resiliency
Recently someone I know passed away. I know that they were going through many struggles, including trying to wean off an antidepressant. The side effects from doing that can honestly be deadly if done too quickly. Some people feel like they are stuck on them for life and still don't feel truly happy. I admit that I tried antidepressants years ago. I felt worse and I can't even describe it, but I wasn't Jackie anymore. I can understand the scientific side of things and how different people have differences with their biochemical state in their body and have different levels of neurotransmitters in their brains. I understand it, but I know for many people that's simply not an answer. So for those that suffer from depression, I have looked into what is emotional resiliency?
I think can be a trap to think that there is a certain standard for emotional resiliency. We think that we're not performing to what society or our culture says that we need to be. For example, if someone in your family dies and you are only allowed 3 days off work to be sad and then when you get back to work you have to be back to normal again. Or if you get a divorce you're supposed to be over it in x amount of months. Was there one person who created all these unspoken rules? We all have days when we're feeling exhausted and just fed up. So okay...maybe you should let yourself feel that then. Maybe emotional resiliency is about being emotionally authentic. Sometimes it seems like emotions are taught to be so black and white. We either are happy or we aren't and there are only....oh about 6 emotions to feel. Isn't it possible to be feeling things in a more grey area without a word to quite pinpoint it? There are subtle ones we feel too that don't fit into the big 6. Maybe you're feeling grief and happiness intertwined. Is there a word for that? So part of emotional resiliency is being able to acknowledge your feelings in all the different layers that you may be feeling them. Every day you have to be strong enough to ask-- How am I really feeling today? Because a lot of times we don't ever check in. This is helpful to do if you're empathic too because then you will start uncovering layers of feelings and think...wait a second, this doesn't belong to me and it's not really mine. Stop giving others so much permission to dictate how you feel.
Also, what makes us think that bouncing back is the way to go and a positive thing? Recently, I was going through a hard time emotionally and one day I was still finishing up a few things at work and I burst into tears. I had a part of me that thought, Oh no! I'm not supposed to be showing this side of me here. Thankfully I received support from those around me who saw, but it asks the question, well why can't I cry in public? Thoughts come into my mind that others may think I'm just looking for attention or pity. I have had others say that I wear my heart on my sleeve and this has often been instilled into me that this isn't an acceptable way to move through life. In a sense, yes I do understand where they are coming from and we should take caution with who we show our vulnerable side to, but should we have to apologize for expressing our authentic selves? It seems we are trained to be thinkers more than feelers. Of course you could go into the Myers Brigg types and say and some are naturally dominant thinkers, but it seems like as a whole we are taught to place the head above the heart. We're asked what do we think about something so that we can be driven to a logical response. Many believe that conscious awareness originates in the brain alone. Yet the heart generates the body's most powerful rhythmic electromagnetic field. Compared to the electromagnetic field produced by the brain, the heart's field is about 60 times greater. I'm sure there is more I could eventually delve into on this topic for now I will leave you with, "To heal, we must feel."
I think can be a trap to think that there is a certain standard for emotional resiliency. We think that we're not performing to what society or our culture says that we need to be. For example, if someone in your family dies and you are only allowed 3 days off work to be sad and then when you get back to work you have to be back to normal again. Or if you get a divorce you're supposed to be over it in x amount of months. Was there one person who created all these unspoken rules? We all have days when we're feeling exhausted and just fed up. So okay...maybe you should let yourself feel that then. Maybe emotional resiliency is about being emotionally authentic. Sometimes it seems like emotions are taught to be so black and white. We either are happy or we aren't and there are only....oh about 6 emotions to feel. Isn't it possible to be feeling things in a more grey area without a word to quite pinpoint it? There are subtle ones we feel too that don't fit into the big 6. Maybe you're feeling grief and happiness intertwined. Is there a word for that? So part of emotional resiliency is being able to acknowledge your feelings in all the different layers that you may be feeling them. Every day you have to be strong enough to ask-- How am I really feeling today? Because a lot of times we don't ever check in. This is helpful to do if you're empathic too because then you will start uncovering layers of feelings and think...wait a second, this doesn't belong to me and it's not really mine. Stop giving others so much permission to dictate how you feel.
Also, what makes us think that bouncing back is the way to go and a positive thing? Recently, I was going through a hard time emotionally and one day I was still finishing up a few things at work and I burst into tears. I had a part of me that thought, Oh no! I'm not supposed to be showing this side of me here. Thankfully I received support from those around me who saw, but it asks the question, well why can't I cry in public? Thoughts come into my mind that others may think I'm just looking for attention or pity. I have had others say that I wear my heart on my sleeve and this has often been instilled into me that this isn't an acceptable way to move through life. In a sense, yes I do understand where they are coming from and we should take caution with who we show our vulnerable side to, but should we have to apologize for expressing our authentic selves? It seems we are trained to be thinkers more than feelers. Of course you could go into the Myers Brigg types and say and some are naturally dominant thinkers, but it seems like as a whole we are taught to place the head above the heart. We're asked what do we think about something so that we can be driven to a logical response. Many believe that conscious awareness originates in the brain alone. Yet the heart generates the body's most powerful rhythmic electromagnetic field. Compared to the electromagnetic field produced by the brain, the heart's field is about 60 times greater. I'm sure there is more I could eventually delve into on this topic for now I will leave you with, "To heal, we must feel."
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Leading the Way
When you wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror do you see a leader? I haven't always looked at myself as one, but the more I learn about leadership the more I realize that we need a real paradigm shift around it. Many of us learn that there is certain mold we feel that we have to fit into to be seen as leader.
I still remember writing a book back when I was only 10 years old. In it I wrote 3 things that I wanted to be when I grow up. I wrote that I wanted to be the President of the United States, an artist, and a veterinarian. My girl friend in Elementary School learned from me that I wrote I wanted to be the President and she said, "You can't be the President because you're a girl!"--(Years later she said sorry for this. No hard feelings) But anyway, back then a part of me did believe that boys were better than girls. Now I know better and while I no longer wish to be the President, I still feel that I am a born leader. I believe I can find a way to still lead like a President, create like an artist and show compassion like a vet.
This world needs more than simply politicians and CEO's leading us. The world needs those who know how to lead difficult conversation, gardeners, community builders, healers, inventors, teachers, painters, people rescuing endangered species and so much more. We need these people to lead. We need to be brought back to connection and to step back into our power. So even if you're working behind the scenes don't dismiss that. Sometimes that's where the magic happens. So the next time you look in the mirror, take a good look into your eyes. You may be surprised what you see.
I still remember writing a book back when I was only 10 years old. In it I wrote 3 things that I wanted to be when I grow up. I wrote that I wanted to be the President of the United States, an artist, and a veterinarian. My girl friend in Elementary School learned from me that I wrote I wanted to be the President and she said, "You can't be the President because you're a girl!"--(Years later she said sorry for this. No hard feelings) But anyway, back then a part of me did believe that boys were better than girls. Now I know better and while I no longer wish to be the President, I still feel that I am a born leader. I believe I can find a way to still lead like a President, create like an artist and show compassion like a vet.
This world needs more than simply politicians and CEO's leading us. The world needs those who know how to lead difficult conversation, gardeners, community builders, healers, inventors, teachers, painters, people rescuing endangered species and so much more. We need these people to lead. We need to be brought back to connection and to step back into our power. So even if you're working behind the scenes don't dismiss that. Sometimes that's where the magic happens. So the next time you look in the mirror, take a good look into your eyes. You may be surprised what you see.
Saturday, December 5, 2015
How I'm fighting Terrorism
The other day I was sitting at work during dinner and all my coworkers gathered around and talked about the horrors going on in the world throughout the entire dinner. It made me sad that there was no lacking in subject matter to discuss to make it last almost an hour. Then I started just getting angry. I wanted to do something about these acts of terror but I didn't know what to do. I see angry protesters who have lined the streets of my home city of Philadelphia, but I wonder is that really do anything? Does more anger actually create the peace on earth that many of us long for? I realized that maybe it's time to take an inside-out approach to activism. I need to face up to all my feelings about what is happening first. We need to clean up our inner world, manage our own energy and take responsibilities for the vibe we send out. This may seem small but it creates a powerful ripple effect out into the world. This message is especially for the empath/ highly sensitive of this world. We literally take on the weight of the world and can sink down into depression. We may not even realize that the pain we are carrying isn't even our own. So now, I am taking action by using my gifts and my voice. I'm going to keep singing, blogging, and opening the door for the elderly person behind me. So every time that I hear any act of terror on the news or somewhere else, that will be my cue to do a random act of kindness, to start painting, writing another poem or creating a local fundraiser for a cause that I'm moved by. So at first it may seem small, but it's really not that small at all. My very existence is needed. Your very existence is needed.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Disillusioned With the New Age Movement
I know this may offend some people but I just need to express myself. I know others have felt the same way as me at times so I'm not completely alone. This is just me coming from my own personal experiences and feelings on the subject. I know some of you may disagree and I'm totally okay with that. I know where I have been in the past and I have compassion on every step of my journey as I do on others.
First off I just want to say that I do consider myself to be spiritual. I believe in a higher Power/God, prayer, meditation, being in nature to recharge, positive thinking and even have an interest in quantum physics and believe in life on other planets and have sensed energies/angels and things I can't always explain logically. I just believe that spiritual discernment is a skill that must be learned. It's easy to become brainwashed into believing something. What I'm learning now is that you can look to others to be a mentor and guide on your journey but ultimately the teacher is within yourself if you will listen. I also want to state that not everyone who labels themselves as New Age will behave or think the same way, just as not all people under the Christian category will. I just started feeling like New Age was turning into a feel good pseudo spirituality.
It seems like a special club for all the so called spiritual, positive, ascending, unity consciousness and so on...I came to realize that just because some says, "Namaste, love and light" or things like that doesn't mean they are automatically a perfect person or someone that I could trust to be there for me.
In the past I was joining all these New Age groups and listening to their teachings. Now I don't want to say that the New Age teachings don't contain some wisdom or spiritual truths bu I felt they overgeneralize, exaggerate, and oversimplify everything. I finally decided it was time to just go back to feeling like me again without anyone else's ideas shoved into my head. Now I'm ready to leave behind old philosophies.
There were also a small number of people who used drugs to try to access a higher level of spirituality and that's just not me and I don't want to be around that. Not judging but I'm doing what's right for me. I don't like feeling spaced out or out of my body. Also don't get me wrong, "blissing out" can be a wonderful thing and way to escape from your life's challenges for a short period of time but when things start to become an addiction or you start to become overly focused upon things that are taking you out of your body that's where I start to have a problem. To me spirituality needs to be balanced. I'm a daydreamer by nature but I know I have to focus that energy into my body and reality in order to get things done.
Now I beware of all magic wand approaches. They are nothing more than the energy equivalent of modern drugs, except their debilitating side effects will probably not appear until it's too late. Talk of the ascension process is very popular too. There were certain hyped up ascension dates where I didn't experience anything at all happening. Maybe someone else had a different experience than I did though. Are we evolving on many levels? Yes, but some of us are also very stagnated as well and living in the past. I believe ascension isn't exactly a global thing that everyone is experiencing in the same way. I feel like we are all on our very own individual journeys and I can't help but ask the people who say they are ascending where they are ascending to? Not trying to make fun of anyone but seriously questioning things. I assume that ascension leads to enlightenment? I got the vibe that enlightenment was being made out to be all about changing yourself and feeling good all the time. So if you're enlightened you should never feel bad and you should always feel uplifted like you just did some great drug? In my opinion, enlightenment can actually feel very uncomfortable. Most people don't want to do that work.
One belief I've come across is that there are no victims and that our thoughts and attitudes attracted everything into our lives. While I do believe in taking self responsibility I have seen many a shitty things happen to really beautiful souls who did their best to be healthy and positive. Some teachings said that we are all one and on some level yes I can understand that but there are dark forces out there and negative energies. Another New Age belief is to ignore the negative. The word negative is even seen as a dirty word. "I don't want to learn what's wrong by hearing it or seeing it and God forbid I don't want to say it. Don't talk about the negative and it will only bring more." Sometimes it's as if we're being taught to ignore what's really there and just go to spiritual gurus. I still haven't found a belief system that I can say that I 100% resonate with. I still have friends who are Christian, Atheists and also New Age and I love them all the same. I just know though if I continue to trust my heart I will be lead where I need to be.
First off I just want to say that I do consider myself to be spiritual. I believe in a higher Power/God, prayer, meditation, being in nature to recharge, positive thinking and even have an interest in quantum physics and believe in life on other planets and have sensed energies/angels and things I can't always explain logically. I just believe that spiritual discernment is a skill that must be learned. It's easy to become brainwashed into believing something. What I'm learning now is that you can look to others to be a mentor and guide on your journey but ultimately the teacher is within yourself if you will listen. I also want to state that not everyone who labels themselves as New Age will behave or think the same way, just as not all people under the Christian category will. I just started feeling like New Age was turning into a feel good pseudo spirituality.
It seems like a special club for all the so called spiritual, positive, ascending, unity consciousness and so on...I came to realize that just because some says, "Namaste, love and light" or things like that doesn't mean they are automatically a perfect person or someone that I could trust to be there for me.
In the past I was joining all these New Age groups and listening to their teachings. Now I don't want to say that the New Age teachings don't contain some wisdom or spiritual truths bu I felt they overgeneralize, exaggerate, and oversimplify everything. I finally decided it was time to just go back to feeling like me again without anyone else's ideas shoved into my head. Now I'm ready to leave behind old philosophies.
There were also a small number of people who used drugs to try to access a higher level of spirituality and that's just not me and I don't want to be around that. Not judging but I'm doing what's right for me. I don't like feeling spaced out or out of my body. Also don't get me wrong, "blissing out" can be a wonderful thing and way to escape from your life's challenges for a short period of time but when things start to become an addiction or you start to become overly focused upon things that are taking you out of your body that's where I start to have a problem. To me spirituality needs to be balanced. I'm a daydreamer by nature but I know I have to focus that energy into my body and reality in order to get things done.
Now I beware of all magic wand approaches. They are nothing more than the energy equivalent of modern drugs, except their debilitating side effects will probably not appear until it's too late. Talk of the ascension process is very popular too. There were certain hyped up ascension dates where I didn't experience anything at all happening. Maybe someone else had a different experience than I did though. Are we evolving on many levels? Yes, but some of us are also very stagnated as well and living in the past. I believe ascension isn't exactly a global thing that everyone is experiencing in the same way. I feel like we are all on our very own individual journeys and I can't help but ask the people who say they are ascending where they are ascending to? Not trying to make fun of anyone but seriously questioning things. I assume that ascension leads to enlightenment? I got the vibe that enlightenment was being made out to be all about changing yourself and feeling good all the time. So if you're enlightened you should never feel bad and you should always feel uplifted like you just did some great drug? In my opinion, enlightenment can actually feel very uncomfortable. Most people don't want to do that work.
One belief I've come across is that there are no victims and that our thoughts and attitudes attracted everything into our lives. While I do believe in taking self responsibility I have seen many a shitty things happen to really beautiful souls who did their best to be healthy and positive. Some teachings said that we are all one and on some level yes I can understand that but there are dark forces out there and negative energies. Another New Age belief is to ignore the negative. The word negative is even seen as a dirty word. "I don't want to learn what's wrong by hearing it or seeing it and God forbid I don't want to say it. Don't talk about the negative and it will only bring more." Sometimes it's as if we're being taught to ignore what's really there and just go to spiritual gurus. I still haven't found a belief system that I can say that I 100% resonate with. I still have friends who are Christian, Atheists and also New Age and I love them all the same. I just know though if I continue to trust my heart I will be lead where I need to be.
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