Learning to be assertive

Do you struggle to speak your mind? Did you grow up in a household with parents who had the idea that children should be seen and not heard? That good girls keep quiet? The list can go on......

If so even when you grow up into adulthood you may still struggle with learning to be assertive and may even confuse it with being aggressive which is why many steer away from actually learning the skills to maintain a healthy balance.

Often sensitive, caring and loving souls try too hard to please others and in the process may get much praise from others or even be labeled a "hero" but inside they may feel like they have lost themselves.

Here are a few helpful phrases/reminders that you can use in a conversation with a difficult person to help you to stand your ground more.

1) I'm not prepared to support that idea
2) State the situation and attach a feeling
3) Stick with facts and focus on behavior
4) I see that you are frustrated and I understand your reaction- lets go back to this tomorrow
5) State something and then just repeat it

An example of being assertive would be the following conversation if a friend called you up last minute asking you to babysit her kids even though this was a night you had planned to stay in and relax after a hard week of working

Friend: Hi, I know this is last minute but could you please watch my girls tonight so me and my husband can have date night that we haven't had in a while?

You: No I can't

Friend: Why not?

You: I have plans

Friend: With who and doing what?

You: I was planning on taking some personal time for myself.

Friend: Okay so you really aren't going anywhere then? Come on and please just do it!

You: No

You see......in this scenario you didn't need to go into too many details to get defensive with her and you simply stated your intention and held your ground even when she was possibly trying to guilt trip you into it.
There is more that can be written on assertiveness but I will leave it here for now.

Good luck